It's OK to NOT be Fine.

How Are You? It's one of (if not THE) most asked auto-pilot, knee-jerk questions in the universe. And yes I mean universe. I do believe in ET and I bet when he phoned home he said, "Hi ma, How are you?".

The knee-jerk response of course is I'm fine or some variation of  "I'm fine". The truth is, of course, that many of us are not FINE but we say that we are because not being fine - expressing any level of emotional or mental illness - brings the conversation to a screeching halt. The stigma associated with emotional or mental illness stumps the ask-er and embarrasses the answer-er.

In the time of COVID-19 the number of people who are not fine is rising exponentially. (I hope that's the right word). It doesn't matter that it's a matter of degrees. Not fine is Not fine and we have to figure out how to de-stigmatize it.

It's hard because, the question just pops out and we feel we must answer it. I know I've struggled with the answer lately. I'm not fine. I vacillate between scared, anxious and depressed regularly right now and I'm not fond of lying even little white ones. So I am uncomfortable when asked "How are You?" I've taken to making jokes "I'm pleading the 5th" or "That's a loaded question in today's world, isn't it?" Both responses bring a laugh and the moment is gone we (me and my fellow human) can move on so I don't have to explain. It's not a healthy interaction for either of us.

I don't have all the (or maybe any) answers to the dilemma. I write simply to shine a spotlight on it while I think out loud.

I am not suggesting we stop asking "How are you?". Not at all. Instead, I believe I should try to be more present when I ask "How are you?" and be prepared to stay present with the emotion that comes with the answer. I don't have to solve anyone's distress. Listening non-judgmentally may be the best gift we can give another human being.

Not to put too fine a point on it, being present in the emotion that comes with the answer works for answers that are happy, fine, excited, etc as well. Too often, we are paying so little attention to our conversations that we also miss the opportunity to share in someone else's joy.

Keep Smiling Keep Moving
-Paula

Be The Difference

Skippy and Okra in the Time of COVID-19

I took an early morning walk to the grocery store. We needed just a few items; the store is less than a mile from my house; and walking the neighborhood is a good way to get some fresh air and exercise and easily keep 6 feet between me and other humans. The early hour I hoped would mean less people shopping as well. (I was right). The few things we needed would easily fit in my backpack so off I went.

One of the items I wanted was frozen veggies. Yes, I had heard that they were in short supply. I keep hoping I'll hit the store at the right time. I don't want to hoard but we I do eat a lot of vegetables and running out would make me sad. Just another bag or two would have been good. As expected the frozen food aisle was decimated. The vegetable freezer cabinets were empty save for 6 bags of okra. Two other people (besides me) looked at them and walked away. I think that says something about Okra.

I also ventured over to the peanut butter aisle. It too was sparse. The remaining supply consisted predominately of Skippy. Need I say more?

My takeaway - COVID-19 crisis mode is when the Skippy and Okra are gone.