Freedom

I've been thinking about the meaning of freedom lately.

As we navigate the world according to COVID-19, the notion of Freedom seems to crop up everywhere. Many of us have lost our freedom. Freedom to come and go as we please. Freedom to eat out. Freedom to do what we want; where we want; when we want.

I agree with, and fully embrace, the logic behind quarantine. I do believe it has and will continue to save lives. Yes, staying home is a reminder of what's out there and it's scary to ponder that. The anxiety must be dealt with and that's not fun, either. But anxiety and fear were part of our lives before COVID-19 too. Maybe in varying degrees for each of us, but anxiety and fear are not new to the human condition.

When all is said and done, what's new for so many of us is not having a choice. 

BUT - when COVID-19 is over (whatever that means) I will get my freedom back. It's unlikely to be a return to life as I knew it but I will, for the most part, have the freedom to do what I want, where I want and when I want. 

One of the things I think about lately when I think about freedom - one of the things I am trying to keep reminding myself - is that I'm one of the lucky ones. I will get my freedom back. Some people won't. Some people's lives and livelihoods are being irreparably changed or damaged from COVID-19. And worse yet, some people never had the freedoms I have in the first place. 

In a recent post on Success, I concluded that success in the battle of COVID-19 (for me) is finding ways to make it less messy and less uncomfortable. My thoughts on freedom don't change that. I have battles to fight and stuff to manage during COVID-19 and my goal is still less messy and less uncomfortable. My thoughts on freedom, though, make me realize I could be a little less whiny about it.

Stay safe
Keep Smiling and Keep Moving.
-Paula 

My Spot

Yesterday marked 8 weeks and half a day that I’ve been working from home.

Shelter in place orders came fast and furious in late March for Pennsylvanians. Each day another area would be shut down. We had only a day’s notice that Delaware and Chester counties were shutting down. So, on Friday, March 20th I was in the office with a skeleton crew of co-workers (for half a day) to close-up and move home.

I have never been a fan of work from home.  After 8 weeks of compulsory work from home, I’ve come to terms with it, but it will never be my go-to choice. So, on that last Friday, I obsessed (surprise surprise) over what to bring home. I prefer to work AT work for many reasons, but one big one is that all my ‘stuff’ is there. My space is there. I have nothing against cloud space. I use it for things that it makes sense to me to use it for. But when it comes right down to it, I’m a paper and pencil person.

I’m pleased to report that I packed wisely. Although I have returned to the office three times since closure it was for the purpose of picking up mail and to perform printer, copier and scanner tasks that our little home devices could not handle. Not once did I have to go to the office because I forgot something. And everything I brought home fit in one box.

I also prefer to work AT work because I like to have a space between work and home. There was a time when I brought work home regularly. I eventually discovered that it was too easy to lose the space between work and home. I had to break the habit. It was hard but I did it. And it was good.

And then COVID 19 came.

I knew I had to find a way to keep the space between work and home. I did several things from always wearing shoes during work time to taking walks to mark the changeover from home to work and back home. The most important issue was choosing my workspace. I chose a spot in our living room. For the past 8 weeks, I would only sit in that spot for work hours. Although I packed up my space at the end of every workday, I refused to sit there in the evenings or on the weekends. I needed the separation. On the very few times that my boss asked me to take care of something after hours, I would return to the work space to do it. (Thankfully, my boss understands the need for the separation. But COVID 19 has wreaked havoc in our industry and sometimes stuff just can’t wait until morning.)

Yesterday, I moved my work from home space.

I had chosen the first spot because it was out of the way. And also because the (perhaps) logical place, the dining room table, was occupied by a jig saw puzzle. We finished that puzzle. It was a ridiculously challenging one we had started in December. Next up was a 2000-piece puzzle. We had never attempted one that big before and it required bringing another table in to hold all the pieces. The extra table is a folding table that we only bring out for Canadian Thanksgiving and I forget it’s there otherwise. Now that it was on my radar again I realized that if I could figure out where to set it up, I could use it for my ‘desk’. Well except for the fact that it was now covered in puzzle pieces.

This week we had enough of the puzzle together that all the unplaced pieces fit on the dining room table with the puzzle. We moved the folding table into a corner of the living room and yesterday I set up my workspace there. At the end of the day everything goes back in my box and the table folds down. It works!!

Best of all, I now have my weekend chair back. The first workspace took over my weekend chair. It may have made sense at the time but I underestimated how much I would miss my spot. I’m sitting there as I type this, and it is amazing how something so trivial as having your spot back can boost your mood!! I have a whole new appreciation for Sheldon “you’re in my spot” Cooper.

Keep Smiling Keep Moving
- Paula

Success

My first thoughts this morning were these. The sun is still shining. It's still May and it still feels like March. (In Pennsylvania) And COVID 19 is still very much a part of our lives. If consistency is the key to success, I have to wonder if success is really all it's cracked up to be.

With that I started to wonder to myself, "What is success?". And "What does success mean in our fight against COVID 19?" So I fired up the blog. After all, what is a blog if not a playground for the mind.

 According to online Merriam-Webster, success is a degree or measure of succeeding and alternatively, a favorable or desired outcome. To John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach, success is an attitude. He is quoted as saying “Success is peace of mind that is the direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

By either standard, success is a very personal thing. It becomes what each of us wants it to be. And therein lies a problem. Success is an opinion. And the opinions about how to beat COVID 19 and what constitutes success in the battle are almost as varied as there are people. And, as we humans tend to do, we take sides.

From shelter in placers to the freedom (of work and play) fighters. Within each camp there are also multiple fires to gather around. There are defectors. There are 'prodigal son' returns. The line between the camps is blurred. COVID 19 is messy and uncomfortable.

I'd like to say that I've seen more coming together than divisiveness over COVID 19. Some days I think I have. Others not so much. I think that is because on any given day, we are not entirely sure how we feel. On any given day some of us can't control how we feel or react to those feelings.

If "life is the messy bits", then COVID 19 is life. Ugh. I do not like that thought at all.

So if success is an opinion, are we all entitled to our own? Yikes!! I think that's another blog post entirely. And likely someone else's blog. Because while I have opinions (ha ha) on that I do not feel anywhere near qualified or comfortable enough to go there at this time.

Getting back to the musings that started this blog - "What is success?". And "What does success mean in our fight against COVID 19?". If success is an opinion then I guess I have to decide what it means to me. Answer: I.HAVE.NO.CLUE.

I am in the Shelter in Place camp. I believe it is the right thing. However, I have a job that, for now at least, can be accomplished remotely. That means I have a steady paycheck. So many others do not. Which makes me ask myself, is shelter in place the right thing or is it just easier for me to believe it is, since I have security that others do not? My fear of dying (or someone I know dying) is greater than my fear of not being able to pay bills. Likewise, I fear that the needs of the people who must get back to work will "win" the battle of COVID 19. I am afraid that I am wrong. That I am putting my faith in the wrong people or things. It's a messy, uncomfortable place. 

Realizing that I've said that twice now, I think success (for me and for today) is finding ways to be comfortable and neat more comfortable and neater. If I'm going to survive this, I need to strive for degrees not perfection.

Keep Smiling Keep Moving
Stay safe
-Paula

It's OK to NOT be Fine.

How Are You? It's one of (if not THE) most asked auto-pilot, knee-jerk questions in the universe. And yes I mean universe. I do believe in ET and I bet when he phoned home he said, "Hi ma, How are you?".

The knee-jerk response of course is I'm fine or some variation of  "I'm fine". The truth is, of course, that many of us are not FINE but we say that we are because not being fine - expressing any level of emotional or mental illness - brings the conversation to a screeching halt. The stigma associated with emotional or mental illness stumps the ask-er and embarrasses the answer-er.

In the time of COVID-19 the number of people who are not fine is rising exponentially. (I hope that's the right word). It doesn't matter that it's a matter of degrees. Not fine is Not fine and we have to figure out how to de-stigmatize it.

It's hard because, the question just pops out and we feel we must answer it. I know I've struggled with the answer lately. I'm not fine. I vacillate between scared, anxious and depressed regularly right now and I'm not fond of lying even little white ones. So I am uncomfortable when asked "How are You?" I've taken to making jokes "I'm pleading the 5th" or "That's a loaded question in today's world, isn't it?" Both responses bring a laugh and the moment is gone we (me and my fellow human) can move on so I don't have to explain. It's not a healthy interaction for either of us.

I don't have all the (or maybe any) answers to the dilemma. I write simply to shine a spotlight on it while I think out loud.

I am not suggesting we stop asking "How are you?". Not at all. Instead, I believe I should try to be more present when I ask "How are you?" and be prepared to stay present with the emotion that comes with the answer. I don't have to solve anyone's distress. Listening non-judgmentally may be the best gift we can give another human being.

Not to put too fine a point on it, being present in the emotion that comes with the answer works for answers that are happy, fine, excited, etc as well. Too often, we are paying so little attention to our conversations that we also miss the opportunity to share in someone else's joy.

Keep Smiling Keep Moving
-Paula

Be The Difference

Skippy and Okra in the Time of COVID-19

I took an early morning walk to the grocery store. We needed just a few items; the store is less than a mile from my house; and walking the neighborhood is a good way to get some fresh air and exercise and easily keep 6 feet between me and other humans. The early hour I hoped would mean less people shopping as well. (I was right). The few things we needed would easily fit in my backpack so off I went.

One of the items I wanted was frozen veggies. Yes, I had heard that they were in short supply. I keep hoping I'll hit the store at the right time. I don't want to hoard but we I do eat a lot of vegetables and running out would make me sad. Just another bag or two would have been good. As expected the frozen food aisle was decimated. The vegetable freezer cabinets were empty save for 6 bags of okra. Two other people (besides me) looked at them and walked away. I think that says something about Okra.

I also ventured over to the peanut butter aisle. It too was sparse. The remaining supply consisted predominately of Skippy. Need I say more?

My takeaway - COVID-19 crisis mode is when the Skippy and Okra are gone.