The Economics of Mediation

Back in 2016 I began a series of posts on mediation. I even created a separate tab for them. The first blog in that tab made this statement  "I'm expanding the scope of my blog to include to include talk about mediation and conflict resolution. It's an area of study that I've become passionate about." That was over 3 years ago! 😲 Even though the effort lasted only 4 posts, I wasn't lying. I was - and still am - passionate about mediation and conflict resolution. I have no answer that adequately explains why I stopped writing. Sometimes you just have to say "I don't know" when you don't know!

I've been inspired to write about it again by a segment on the "Hidden Brain" Podcast. As a believer in the statement "money does not buy happiness", the title of this episode Emotional Currency: How Money Shapes Human Relationships sucked me right in. I was really curious how this was going to go. I did not expect to make a connection to mediation, but it was hard not to with this statement near the beginning of the episode:

"The problem with barter is it really does depend on us each meeting each other's needs in that moment. And so the origin story of money that we have is that humans invented money essentially to be a mediator in these sorts of exchanges."

I began to mull the statement over. Probably way more than is necessary or appropriate. In fact, I missed the rest of the episode and how to go back and listen again to get it. It was a great listen. I do recommend it.

Back to my post - I had not thought of mediation as barter before ..... but it works. When two individuals or groups are in conflict or disagreeing over an outcome, mediation offers them the opportunity to find common ground upon which to communicate their needs and wants to resolve the issue. That statement is almost textbook mediation speak. Yet look how similar it is to the statement from the podcast about barter.

It's true, though. In mediation, the mediator facilitates communication to help the participants to think beyond the issue that's causing the impasse and discover what each needs or wants out of the relationship (personal or business). Sometimes that means helping them understand that a relationship even exists but that's a topic for another post perhaps.

Once the needs and wants are on the table, it becomes a matter of finding how the participants can exchange, satisfy or help with the needs or wants of the other then to use that to resolve the impasse. This is not nearly as simple as that statement makes it sound. Sometimes it can take hours or even days to work out but simply put the role of the mediator is to keep the parties focused on and moving toward potential success until they discover it.

Mediation is built on the principle of self-determination. The barter analogy helps understand that. In this context, self-determination means that the parties are the only ones who can know what they want and how to resolve the impasse. A judge may be able to settle the matter by imposing laws, rules or regulations but the settled effect is often temporary because it doesn't address what even the winner really wanted. Unless vengeance is really what they wanted.

Self-determination means finding the thing(s) we have to barter with. Sometimes the things to be exchanged are easily identified and tangible and we can see the connection or resolution on our own. When they are not, a mediator helps the parties explore and recognize the possibilities. The mediator does not have an opinion on how the matter should be resolved only that it probably can be.

I titled this post "The Economics of Mediation" before I started writing it. I chose it because of the connection between the words money and economics and the title of the podcast that inspired the post. But being the anxious personality that I am, I just looked up economics to be sure that my sense of the word matched its appropriateness for the title.

The first Google hit for "economics"  reads "the branch of knowledge concerned with the production, consumption, and transfer of wealth." The first google hit for "wealth" reads "an abundance of valuable possessions or money."  The title works for me. I hope this post works for you.

Keep Smiling Keep Moving
-Paula

Patterns

On today's walk along the Schuylkill Canal we (Julius, Dave and I) saw these patterns in the ice layer on the canal.

They were repeated all across the ice. Julius said the shapes reminded him of a photo of brain neurons. If you don't see it, look up brain neurons and you'll likely see it too. We talked a little bit as we walked about patterns. Isn't it strange that these random patterns in the ice look so much like the neurons. Is it coincidence or is there something else happening?

The conversation stuck with me. So much so that I had to do some searching. Truth be told of course, it doesn't take much for me to want to look things up. Anyway, I searched for "similar patterns in unrelated things" and "seeing patters in unrelated things". I didn't find what I was looking for (or what I thought I was looking for which admittedly isn't/wasn't clear to begin with) but I did learn two new words. "Seeing recognizable objects or patterns in otherwise random or unrelated objects or patterns is called pareidolia" and "(pareidolia) is a form of apophenia, which is a more general term for the human tendency to seek patterns in random information." Link to full article here.

Another friend, who was not on our walk but walks this section of trail often, told me the patterns in the ice were made by kids throwing rocks into the ice. I can see that now. I can also still see brain neurons.

Keep Smiling Keep Moving
-Paula

Challenge boost

Today was a strangely exhausting day. I can't pinpoint why. Maybe it's the fact that it's day 2 of a 5 day work week. Something I haven't had to do in awhile. Or maybe it was the dark gray skies that moved in ahead of the snow/sleet/rain thing that's happening now. Who knows. 

What I do know is that the last thing I wanted to do after work was put on gym clothes and workout. But I had promised myself I would go twice this week and Tuesday and Thursday seemed like the right days to do it. Still, I almost bailed anyway. What made me do it was the Keep Smiling Keep Moving challenge some of us at Perkis People are doing. I wanted to be able to say I had checked another item off the list. 

The challenge is not about how much we do, it's about just doing it. So I figured if  I changed my clothes and only managed some light stretching that would be enough. In the end I did more because of course the stretching got my blood moving and I felt better. But if it hadn't, it would have been ok too. 

I'm grateful for a support group (virtual or live) that helps to keep me going. 

Keep Smiling Keep Moving

-Paula 

Miscellaneous Musing Mash-Up

A compilation of things that have been rattling around my brain. The first item came to me from our hike this morning. The other two are thoughts I've started and stopped several times recently; never quite organizing enough to post. So here goes. At your own risk. 😏

On being social without the media: On our hike this morning, Julius and Dave and I talked about train travel. Specifically long distance train travel. We chatted about various things but the item that is currently on my mind is the concept of dining on the long distance trains. One of our favorite things is/was going to the dining car and being 'forced' to sit with other people. It's the rule of the long distance train dining car. When you arrive, you are seated at the next available table of 4 with whoever happened to arrive just before or after you. It sounds intimidating at first, but we have discovered that it is a rather enjoyable experience.

Unfortunately, Amtrak is phasing the dining car option out. This article explains how and why the service is being removed from some of its overnight trains; opting for packaged meals that riders can take back to their seats or their rooms. Our conversation this morning made me think that I would love to operate a restaurant with only tables of 4 and seating with others would be required. No cell phones, or other such devices allowed. Our wait staff would happily carry separate checks for each diner. Of course, I know nothing about cooking for or managing a restaurant so I need to win the lottery or something like that so I can hire that part out........... but that's just details, right?



On Belonging: This has been on my mind a lot lately. In fact, the more I think on it the more I realize it's probably something I've had on my mind (or in the back of it) for the better part of my adult life. This past year though, it has been ever-present on my mind. What does it mean to belong? One definition of belonging reads "an affinity for a place or situation". Digging deeper, a definition of affinity is "a spontaneous or natural liking or sympathy for someone or something." Psychology texts would have us believe that belonging is a basic human need - like food or shelter.

Hmmmm, so what does it mean to belong? Is it something that can be achieved? Or worked on? Or is it only a spontaneous occurrence (as the definition of affinity suggests)? Must we only be in places or situations where we 'belong'? Is it a two way street? In other words, if one feels like they belong but others in the same situation don't agree does that negate the sense of belonging one feels?

Did you ever feel like an impostor because you were in a situation where you weren't sure you belonged? Me too. Which takes me right back to where I started.. what does it mean to belong?



On the anxiety of getting older. I have never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I'm grateful that (for the most part) I've been able to manage my life's anxious moments on my own. Sometimes better than other times but so far so good. As I get older - especially this past year as I approached and turned 60 - I feel like I'm slipping. I don't seem to be able to manage the anxious thoughts as easily as I used to. I find myself fearful and nervous way more often and the feelings lasting much longer.

I read an article somewhere recently that suggested working through anxiety by writing about it. The article suggested writing down what you would or could do as if you were teaching someone else how to manage the anxious moment(s). I might try that. Not here. At least not right now.

For now, I'll just Keep Smiling and Keep Moving.
-Paula